Shadi k pehle or Shadi k baad

........................-Shadi k pehle : i love u
........................-Shadi k baad : aaj phir alu?
........................-Shadi k pehle : Hero no1
........................-Shadi k baad : coolie no1
........................-Shadi k pehle : mein ne piyar kiya
........................ Shadi k baad : ye mein ne kiya kiya?
........................-Shadi k pehle : janeman mut jao,
........................-Shadi k baad : jaan mut khao
........................-Shaadi k pehle : tum bin raha na jay
........................ Shaadi k baad : tum ko saha na jay
........................-Shadi k pehle : kuch to bolo
........................-Shadi k baad : kabhi chup bhi ho jaya karo.
........................-Shadi k pehle : tum kab aaogi?
........................-Shadi k baad : mayke kab jaogi?

teachers....................

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
And 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is
A sick eagle."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"

Pati Patni Aur Woh

In this show, the couple will go through the challenging, frustrating but rewarding experience of parenthood from infancy to adolescence. The couple will be spending an entire month in a closed environment, monitored by cameras 24X7, which will capture their journey on new life discovery as first time parents. Their journey will be divided in stages.

Pregnancy: Women will be made to wear empathy bellies similar to that of an 8 months pregnant woman, and will have to attend pre-natal classes.

Infants: A new born baby will be handed to them and they have to take care of their each and every need. Toddlers: They come in next with their own sets of demand and tantrums.

Pre-teens and Teenagers: These are the rebellious years when parents need to learn how to discipline them.

The Elderly: Here the couple will need to show the maturity and understanding in dealing with them. The show is of 30 days and will be aired by the end of Diwali. The shooting of the show is yet to start. There are no winners and eliminations during the show, or the public sms voting. So get ready to see your favorite actor as they deal with their parenting skills.

Rakhi Sawant got the sachcha pyaar

As you seen a big family drama on NDTV Imagine which has been bind up last week, Here is a new plan of NDTV Imagine and Star plus to hike their TRPs, Please read this story....

I don't know if Rakhi Sawant got the sachcha pyaar she was searching for or not in her swayamvar, but she certainly got very good ratings - and unprecedented airtime on news channels. I watched the finale - totally in the line of duty of course, I hasten to add. It was an awkward, creaky two-and-a-half hour episode, without the ritzy glamour one would have expected from this kind of show. Everything was just a bit tinselly and tacky - whether it was the shiny stage or the seating arrangements for the guests (by the way, who on earth were they? I mean, they clearly did not include any members of Rakhi's family or friends. So were they what the TV trade calls 'crowd,' arranged by people who supply the faceless 'crowd' that sits in the studios for shows like Sach Ka Saamna, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa etc? Or was it all NDTV Imagine staff - doing their bit in the line of duty?)

There was quite a bit that was unexpected in that final episode - like Rakhi and her three unidentified companions suddenly breaking into tuneless prayer, for instance. The only thing that was not unexpected was Rakhi's choice of the NRI businessman, Elesh Parujanwala. Incidentally, neither of the rejected suitors (or their families) looked at all put out by Rakhi's choice. All of them danced quite merrily when Rakhi garlanded Elesh (is it possible that they were secretly quite relieved?) I was certainly relieved when the episode ended. But little did I know that there was going to be wall-to-wall Rakhi (with fiance) on the news channels, specially old faithful, Headlines Today. So what do the high TRPs, and the saturation coverage of the swayamvar prove? That Rakhi Sawant is, as Headlines Today, said, India's Entertainer No. 1?

That's probably pushing it a bit, but there doesn't seem to be much doubt that TV audiences find Rakhi entertaining and are happy to watch her, even if she's role-playing the sensitive, misunderstood, coy bride-to-be looking for sachcha pyaar. NDTV Imagine is planning to do another swayamvar, but they might want to look at Rakhi Ka Break-Up (if the cynics are proved right, that is; naturally we all wish her and her sachcha pyaar a long and happy married life). But if you ask me what was the most riveting, the most exciting show I saw this past week, I will have to answer that it was not on any of the entertainment channels, English or Hindi. The most spectacular show I saw was on Animal Planet and featured Snakemaster Austin Stevens. Austin is a herpetologist and loves venomous snakes the way little girls love teddy bears and Barbie dolls. In the episode I saw, Austin travels thousands of kilometres across Africa, looking for the continent's deadliest snakes.

I watched frozen on my chair as Austin coiled all sorts of poisonous reptiles around his body / caught their tails and held them as they flailed about / squeezed open their mouths to show us their fangs / got bitten by one of them and had to be rushed to hospital so that he wouldn't die (alarmingly, he continued to hold forth on the nature of snakes even as he was lying down in a hospital bed and being treated) / took photographs of snakes as they swayed a few inches away from his camera, their hoods open menacingly. And all this against the most stunning landscape imaginable - vast arid expanses stretching out for miles with an equally vast sky arching above. If you haven't seen the show yet, please do. Not to be missed. (Also full of the most fascinating information about snakes).

And finally. I saw a couple of episodes of Star Plus's new show, Sajan Ghar Jaana Hai and NDTV Imagine's Meera.

Zindagi Khwaab Manzile

Zindagi hai to Khwaab Hai
_Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
_____________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
______________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
__________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
______________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
__________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
______________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
_________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
______________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
_Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye

tanhai sayari

kisi ne kaha tha k kisi se kuch na kehna
lage chot dil pe to khamosh rahna
jahan chot khana wahain muskurana
magar muskurana es ada se k ro de zamana


jab kabhi dil ko woh yaadon se rehai dega
mere andar koi tufaan sunai dega
usse milte he yeh ehsaas hua tha mujh ko
yahi woh shakhs hai jo lambi judai dega.


duniya badal jayegi tum na badalna
mushkilon main ho jab bhi humain yaad kar lena
maangoon to aap se kiya mangoon.
dena kuch chaho to bas muskura dena.


udas aankhon main raat ka kumar dekha hai
k pehli bar usse beqarar dekha hai
jissay khabar he na hoti thi mere aane ki
us ki ankhon main ab intezar dekha hai.


zindagi to apne qadmon pe chala karti hai Faraz.
auron k sahary janaazy utha karte hain.

tanha tahe es duniya ki bheer main
socha koi nahi meri taqdeer main
ek din aisa hua k tum ne dosti ka hath barhaya
to laga khush khas tha in hathon ki lakeeron main


tanhai mere kaan main kuch kehne lagi hai
ek zaat meri zaat main gum rahne lagi hai
jis aankh ko kisi ne bhi rote nahi dekha
woh aankh teri yaad main num rahne lagi hai.


andaz-e-piyar bhi tera ek ada hai
dur hai tu mujh se ye meri saza hai
dil main basi hai ek piyari si taswir teri,
phir kaise kah doon k tu mujh se juda hai.


koi wada nahi phir bhi tera intezar hai
judai k bawajood bhi tujh se piyar hai
tere chehre ki udasi de rahi hai gawahi
mujh se milne k liye tu bhi bekarar hai.


Dard Ko bhi Ab Dard Hone laga hai,
Dard Khud hi Mere Zakham dhone lagha hai,
Dard ke sath kabhi Roye na hum,
Dard Khud hi Humko chhu kar Rone Laga hai ...