A FUNNY INTERVIEW
Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father’s Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance….?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture…..
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
There is a miracle called Friendship
एक अंधी लडकी थी । उसे उसके एक दोस्त के अलावा सबने ठुकरा दिया था । पर वो दोस्त उससे बहुत प्यार करता था । लडकी रोज़ उससे ये कहती कि अगर वो उसे देख पाती तो उसी से शादी करती । एक दिन किसी ने उस लडकी को अपने आंखे दे दीं । जब वो देख सकने लगी तो उसने देखा की उसका वह दोस्त अंधा था । दोस्त ने उससे पूछा की क्या अब वो उससे शादी करेगी ? लडकी ने साफ़ इनकार कर दिया । इस पर उसका दोस्त मुस्कुराया और चुप चाप उसे एक कागज़ देकर चला गया । उसपर लिखा था - "मेरी आखों का ख्याल रखना"
There is a miracle called Friendship that dwells within the heart and you don't know how it happens or when it even starts. But the happiness it brings you always gives a special lift and you realize that Friendship is God's most precious gif ۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩
There is a miracle called Friendship that dwells within the heart and you don't know how it happens or when it even starts. But the happiness it brings you always gives a special lift and you realize that Friendship is God's most precious gif ۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩۞۩♥۩
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
हर नज़र को एक नज़र की तलाश है
हर नज़र को एक नज़र की तलाश है,
हर चहरे मे कुछ तो एह्साह है!
आपसे दोस्ती हम यूं ही नही कर बैठे,
क्या करे हमारी पसंद ही कुछ "ख़ास" है!
चिरागों से अगर अँधेरा दूर होता,
तो चाँद की चाहत किसे होती!
कट सकती अगर अकेले जिन्दगी,
तो दोस्ती नाम की चीज़ ही न होती!
कभी किसी से जीकर ऐ जुदाई मत करना,
इस दोस्त से कभी रुसवाई मत करना!
कभी अगर दिल भर जाये तो संग अपने रुला लेना,
तनहा जी कर अपने इस दोस्त को इतने बड़ी सजा ना देना!
दोस्ती सच्ची हो तो वक्त रुक जाता है,
आसमान laakh ऊँचा हो मगर झुक जता है!
दोस्ती मे दुनिया लाख बने रुकावट,
अगर दोस्त saccha हो तो खुदा भी झुक जता है!
दोस्ती वो एहसास है जो मिटती नही,
दोस्ती पर्वत है, जो झुकता नही!
इसकी कीमत क्या है पूछो हमसे,
यह वो "अनमोल" मोती है जो बिकता नही!
सच्ची है दोस्ती आजमा के देखो,
करके यकीं मुझपर मेरे पास आके देखो!
बदलता नही कभी सोना अपना रंग,
चाहे जितनी बार आग मे जला के देखो .........
हर चहरे मे कुछ तो एह्साह है!
आपसे दोस्ती हम यूं ही नही कर बैठे,
क्या करे हमारी पसंद ही कुछ "ख़ास" है!
चिरागों से अगर अँधेरा दूर होता,
तो चाँद की चाहत किसे होती!
कट सकती अगर अकेले जिन्दगी,
तो दोस्ती नाम की चीज़ ही न होती!
कभी किसी से जीकर ऐ जुदाई मत करना,
इस दोस्त से कभी रुसवाई मत करना!
कभी अगर दिल भर जाये तो संग अपने रुला लेना,
तनहा जी कर अपने इस दोस्त को इतने बड़ी सजा ना देना!
दोस्ती सच्ची हो तो वक्त रुक जाता है,
आसमान laakh ऊँचा हो मगर झुक जता है!
दोस्ती मे दुनिया लाख बने रुकावट,
अगर दोस्त saccha हो तो खुदा भी झुक जता है!
दोस्ती वो एहसास है जो मिटती नही,
दोस्ती पर्वत है, जो झुकता नही!
इसकी कीमत क्या है पूछो हमसे,
यह वो "अनमोल" मोती है जो बिकता नही!
सच्ची है दोस्ती आजमा के देखो,
करके यकीं मुझपर मेरे पास आके देखो!
बदलता नही कभी सोना अपना रंग,
चाहे जितनी बार आग मे जला के देखो .........
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Love Jokes sms in hindi
dil ki hasrat zuban pe aane lagi
tumhain dekha aur zindagi muskurane lagi
ye mohabbat thi ya meri dewangi
har surat main surat teri nazar aane lagi
bichar k mujh se agarchey udas woh bhi tha
pata chala k zamana shanas woh bhi tha,
mere zawal se pehle he mujh ko chor gaya,
ghazab ka sitara shanas woh bhi tha
woh aaye meri qabar pe apne raqeeb k sath ghalib
koun kehta hai k musalmano ko jalaya nahi jata
aaj phir kis ne pocha k tera hansta hua chehra udas kyon hai
barasti ankhon main piyas kyon hai
jinki nazron main tu kuch bhi nahi
woh tere liye itne khas kyon hain
har ek shab meri taza azab main guzri
tumhare baad tumhare he khawab main guzri
main ek phool hoon woh mujh ko rakh k bhool gaya
tamam umar us ki kitab main guzri
kaise zinda rahe koi aaj k in sazishon k mousam main
ab koi khawish bhi nahi dil se khawishon k mousam main
ussse mujh se mohabbat thi kuch is tarhan ki
k jaise halki si dhup ho barishon k mousam main.
kab hui pyar ki barsat mujhe yaad nahi
khof main dobi mulaqat mujhe yaad nahi
main to madhosh tha kuch itna us ki chahat main k
us ne kab chor diya sath mujhe yaad nahi.
ye arzu nahi k kisi ko satain hum
na tammanna ki k kisi ko rulain hum
par dua hai us rab se
jis ko jitna yaad karte hain
us ko utna yaad aain hum
piyas aisi k pi jaon ankhain us ki
naseeb aisa k moyassar zehar bhi nahi
be los wafain koi hum se sekhe
jisse toot k chaha usse khabar he nahi.
jab dil toot jata hai to awaz nahi aati
her kisi ko mohabbat raas nahi aati
ye to apne apne naseeb ki baat hai
koi bhulta nahi aur kisi ko yaad nahi aati
jo pyar k rishte hum banate hain
usse logon se kyon chupate hain
agar hota hai gunah kisi ko pyar karna to
bachpan se sab pyar kyon sikhate hain
pyar karne wale kabhi kam na hoon gaye
waqat k sath kabhi hum na hoon gaye
chahe kisi ko kitna bhi pyar karna
lekin teri yaadon k haqdar sirf hum hoon gaye.
un ki mohabbat ka abhi nishan baki hai,
naam lab par hai aur jaan baki hai,
kiya hua agar dekh kar mouh pher lete hain woh
tassali hai k shakal ki pehchan abhi baki hai
Badla jo waqat gehri rafaqat badal gai,
suraj dhala to samy ki sourat badal gai,
ek umar tak main us ki zarorat bana raha,
phir youn hua k us ki zarorat badal gai.
Yaad karna bhe na chaho magar yad aen gay hum
tere khawabon teri neendon pa yon cha jaen gay hum
meri tasweer ko dekho gay har ik shay main magar
Jab teri pohonch sa kahen door ho jaen gay hum
jis ghari teri yadon ka sama hota hai
phir moyassar humain aaram kahan hota hai
hosla mujh main nahi tujh ko bhula dene ka
kaam sadiyon ka hai lamho main kahan hota hai
yaadain woh nahi jo "Tanhai" main aati hain
yaadain woh nahi jo "Judaai" main ati hain
yaadain to woh hain jo "Bheer" main bhi "Tanha" kar jati hain
Shama umed ki es shehr main jalti he nahi
hijr ki sham kuch aisi k dhalti he nahi
manzilain tere ilawa bhi kai hain lekin
zindagi aur kisi rah pe chalti he nahi.
aye khuda aaj nazron ko kuch aisi beenai de
jidhar dekhon udhar woh he dekhai de
kash aisi meharbaniyan hoon aaj hawa main
k us ko pukaron aur ussi ko sunai de
na jane zamane ne majbor es qadar kyon kia
k woh meri kisi baat pe thera he nahi
har ek se pocha tere na milne ka sabab
har ek ne kaha woh tere liye bana he nahi.
tumhain dekha aur zindagi muskurane lagi
ye mohabbat thi ya meri dewangi
har surat main surat teri nazar aane lagi
bichar k mujh se agarchey udas woh bhi tha
pata chala k zamana shanas woh bhi tha,
mere zawal se pehle he mujh ko chor gaya,
ghazab ka sitara shanas woh bhi tha
woh aaye meri qabar pe apne raqeeb k sath ghalib
koun kehta hai k musalmano ko jalaya nahi jata
aaj phir kis ne pocha k tera hansta hua chehra udas kyon hai
barasti ankhon main piyas kyon hai
jinki nazron main tu kuch bhi nahi
woh tere liye itne khas kyon hain
har ek shab meri taza azab main guzri
tumhare baad tumhare he khawab main guzri
main ek phool hoon woh mujh ko rakh k bhool gaya
tamam umar us ki kitab main guzri
kaise zinda rahe koi aaj k in sazishon k mousam main
ab koi khawish bhi nahi dil se khawishon k mousam main
ussse mujh se mohabbat thi kuch is tarhan ki
k jaise halki si dhup ho barishon k mousam main.
kab hui pyar ki barsat mujhe yaad nahi
khof main dobi mulaqat mujhe yaad nahi
main to madhosh tha kuch itna us ki chahat main k
us ne kab chor diya sath mujhe yaad nahi.
ye arzu nahi k kisi ko satain hum
na tammanna ki k kisi ko rulain hum
par dua hai us rab se
jis ko jitna yaad karte hain
us ko utna yaad aain hum
piyas aisi k pi jaon ankhain us ki
naseeb aisa k moyassar zehar bhi nahi
be los wafain koi hum se sekhe
jisse toot k chaha usse khabar he nahi.
jab dil toot jata hai to awaz nahi aati
her kisi ko mohabbat raas nahi aati
ye to apne apne naseeb ki baat hai
koi bhulta nahi aur kisi ko yaad nahi aati
jo pyar k rishte hum banate hain
usse logon se kyon chupate hain
agar hota hai gunah kisi ko pyar karna to
bachpan se sab pyar kyon sikhate hain
pyar karne wale kabhi kam na hoon gaye
waqat k sath kabhi hum na hoon gaye
chahe kisi ko kitna bhi pyar karna
lekin teri yaadon k haqdar sirf hum hoon gaye.
un ki mohabbat ka abhi nishan baki hai,
naam lab par hai aur jaan baki hai,
kiya hua agar dekh kar mouh pher lete hain woh
tassali hai k shakal ki pehchan abhi baki hai
Badla jo waqat gehri rafaqat badal gai,
suraj dhala to samy ki sourat badal gai,
ek umar tak main us ki zarorat bana raha,
phir youn hua k us ki zarorat badal gai.
Yaad karna bhe na chaho magar yad aen gay hum
tere khawabon teri neendon pa yon cha jaen gay hum
meri tasweer ko dekho gay har ik shay main magar
Jab teri pohonch sa kahen door ho jaen gay hum
jis ghari teri yadon ka sama hota hai
phir moyassar humain aaram kahan hota hai
hosla mujh main nahi tujh ko bhula dene ka
kaam sadiyon ka hai lamho main kahan hota hai
yaadain woh nahi jo "Tanhai" main aati hain
yaadain woh nahi jo "Judaai" main ati hain
yaadain to woh hain jo "Bheer" main bhi "Tanha" kar jati hain
Shama umed ki es shehr main jalti he nahi
hijr ki sham kuch aisi k dhalti he nahi
manzilain tere ilawa bhi kai hain lekin
zindagi aur kisi rah pe chalti he nahi.
aye khuda aaj nazron ko kuch aisi beenai de
jidhar dekhon udhar woh he dekhai de
kash aisi meharbaniyan hoon aaj hawa main
k us ko pukaron aur ussi ko sunai de
na jane zamane ne majbor es qadar kyon kia
k woh meri kisi baat pe thera he nahi
har ek se pocha tere na milne ka sabab
har ek ne kaha woh tere liye bana he nahi.
Sayari for Dosti
apni bebasi par aaj rona aya
dusron ko nahi main ne apno ko aazmaya
har dost ki tanhai dur ki
lekin khudh ko har morh par tanha paya
youn to log badalte hain so woh bhi badal gaya
usse kisi ne meri yaad se ghafil rahna sikha diya
jo kahta tha na rahega mere bin,
usse kisi aur ne jeena sekha diya.
meri zindagi k raaz main ek raaz tum bhi ho
meri bandagi ki pyas main ek pyas tum bhi ho
tum kiya ho kuch ho ya nahi ho
magar meri zindagi k kash main ek kash tum bhi ho
har ek k jazbaat ko zaban nahi milti,
har ek nazar ko dua nahi milti,
muskan banaye rakho to duniya hai saath,
ansoon ko to ankh main bhi pannah nahi milti
ulfat ka askar yahi dastur hota hai
jisse chaho woh he apne se dur hota hai,
dil tot kar bikarta hai is qadar jaise
koi kanch ka khilona chur chur hota hai.
waqat badalta hai zindagi k sath
zindagi badalti hai mohabbat k sath,
mohabbatnahi badalti apno k sath
bas apne badal jate hain waqat k sath
dusron ko nahi main ne apno ko aazmaya
har dost ki tanhai dur ki
lekin khudh ko har morh par tanha paya
youn to log badalte hain so woh bhi badal gaya
usse kisi ne meri yaad se ghafil rahna sikha diya
jo kahta tha na rahega mere bin,
usse kisi aur ne jeena sekha diya.
meri zindagi k raaz main ek raaz tum bhi ho
meri bandagi ki pyas main ek pyas tum bhi ho
tum kiya ho kuch ho ya nahi ho
magar meri zindagi k kash main ek kash tum bhi ho
har ek k jazbaat ko zaban nahi milti,
har ek nazar ko dua nahi milti,
muskan banaye rakho to duniya hai saath,
ansoon ko to ankh main bhi pannah nahi milti
ulfat ka askar yahi dastur hota hai
jisse chaho woh he apne se dur hota hai,
dil tot kar bikarta hai is qadar jaise
koi kanch ka khilona chur chur hota hai.
waqat badalta hai zindagi k sath
zindagi badalti hai mohabbat k sath,
mohabbatnahi badalti apno k sath
bas apne badal jate hain waqat k sath
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Shadi k pehle or Shadi k baad
........................-Shadi k pehle : i love u
........................-Shadi k baad : aaj phir alu?
........................-Shadi k pehle : Hero no1
........................-Shadi k baad : coolie no1
........................-Shadi k pehle : mein ne piyar kiya
........................ Shadi k baad : ye mein ne kiya kiya?
........................-Shadi k pehle : janeman mut jao,
........................-Shadi k baad : jaan mut khao
........................-Shaadi k pehle : tum bin raha na jay
........................ Shaadi k baad : tum ko saha na jay
........................-Shadi k pehle : kuch to bolo
........................-Shadi k baad : kabhi chup bhi ho jaya karo.
........................-Shadi k pehle : tum kab aaogi?
........................-Shadi k baad : mayke kab jaogi?
........................-Shadi k baad : aaj phir alu?
........................-Shadi k pehle : Hero no1
........................-Shadi k baad : coolie no1
........................-Shadi k pehle : mein ne piyar kiya
........................ Shadi k baad : ye mein ne kiya kiya?
........................-Shadi k pehle : janeman mut jao,
........................-Shadi k baad : jaan mut khao
........................-Shaadi k pehle : tum bin raha na jay
........................ Shaadi k baad : tum ko saha na jay
........................-Shadi k pehle : kuch to bolo
........................-Shadi k baad : kabhi chup bhi ho jaya karo.
........................-Shadi k pehle : tum kab aaogi?
........................-Shadi k baad : mayke kab jaogi?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
teachers....................
Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
And 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is
A sick eagle."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ....
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
And 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is
A sick eagle."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Pati Patni Aur Woh
In this show, the couple will go through the challenging, frustrating but rewarding experience of parenthood from infancy to adolescence. The couple will be spending an entire month in a closed environment, monitored by cameras 24X7, which will capture their journey on new life discovery as first time parents. Their journey will be divided in stages.
Pregnancy: Women will be made to wear empathy bellies similar to that of an 8 months pregnant woman, and will have to attend pre-natal classes.
Infants: A new born baby will be handed to them and they have to take care of their each and every need. Toddlers: They come in next with their own sets of demand and tantrums.
Pre-teens and Teenagers: These are the rebellious years when parents need to learn how to discipline them.
The Elderly: Here the couple will need to show the maturity and understanding in dealing with them. The show is of 30 days and will be aired by the end of Diwali. The shooting of the show is yet to start. There are no winners and eliminations during the show, or the public sms voting. So get ready to see your favorite actor as they deal with their parenting skills.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Rakhi Sawant got the sachcha pyaar
As you seen a big family drama on NDTV Imagine which has been bind up last week, Here is a new plan of NDTV Imagine and Star plus to hike their TRPs, Please read this story....
I don't know if Rakhi Sawant got the sachcha pyaar she was searching for or not in her swayamvar, but she certainly got very good ratings - and unprecedented airtime on news channels. I watched the finale - totally in the line of duty of course, I hasten to add. It was an awkward, creaky two-and-a-half hour episode, without the ritzy glamour one would have expected from this kind of show. Everything was just a bit tinselly and tacky - whether it was the shiny stage or the seating arrangements for the guests (by the way, who on earth were they? I mean, they clearly did not include any members of Rakhi's family or friends. So were they what the TV trade calls 'crowd,' arranged by people who supply the faceless 'crowd' that sits in the studios for shows like Sach Ka Saamna, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa etc? Or was it all NDTV Imagine staff - doing their bit in the line of duty?)
There was quite a bit that was unexpected in that final episode - like Rakhi and her three unidentified companions suddenly breaking into tuneless prayer, for instance. The only thing that was not unexpected was Rakhi's choice of the NRI businessman, Elesh Parujanwala. Incidentally, neither of the rejected suitors (or their families) looked at all put out by Rakhi's choice. All of them danced quite merrily when Rakhi garlanded Elesh (is it possible that they were secretly quite relieved?) I was certainly relieved when the episode ended. But little did I know that there was going to be wall-to-wall Rakhi (with fiance) on the news channels, specially old faithful, Headlines Today. So what do the high TRPs, and the saturation coverage of the swayamvar prove? That Rakhi Sawant is, as Headlines Today, said, India's Entertainer No. 1?
That's probably pushing it a bit, but there doesn't seem to be much doubt that TV audiences find Rakhi entertaining and are happy to watch her, even if she's role-playing the sensitive, misunderstood, coy bride-to-be looking for sachcha pyaar. NDTV Imagine is planning to do another swayamvar, but they might want to look at Rakhi Ka Break-Up (if the cynics are proved right, that is; naturally we all wish her and her sachcha pyaar a long and happy married life). But if you ask me what was the most riveting, the most exciting show I saw this past week, I will have to answer that it was not on any of the entertainment channels, English or Hindi. The most spectacular show I saw was on Animal Planet and featured Snakemaster Austin Stevens. Austin is a herpetologist and loves venomous snakes the way little girls love teddy bears and Barbie dolls. In the episode I saw, Austin travels thousands of kilometres across Africa, looking for the continent's deadliest snakes.
I watched frozen on my chair as Austin coiled all sorts of poisonous reptiles around his body / caught their tails and held them as they flailed about / squeezed open their mouths to show us their fangs / got bitten by one of them and had to be rushed to hospital so that he wouldn't die (alarmingly, he continued to hold forth on the nature of snakes even as he was lying down in a hospital bed and being treated) / took photographs of snakes as they swayed a few inches away from his camera, their hoods open menacingly. And all this against the most stunning landscape imaginable - vast arid expanses stretching out for miles with an equally vast sky arching above. If you haven't seen the show yet, please do. Not to be missed. (Also full of the most fascinating information about snakes).
And finally. I saw a couple of episodes of Star Plus's new show, Sajan Ghar Jaana Hai and NDTV Imagine's Meera.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Zindagi Khwaab Manzile
Zindagi hai to Khwaab Hai
_Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
_____________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
______________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
__________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
______________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
__________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
______________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
_________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
______________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
_Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye
_Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
____Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
__________Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
_________Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
_____________Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
_________________Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
______________________Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
________________________Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
__________________________Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
______________________________Izzat hai to Ladki hai
__________________________Ladki hai to Tension hai
______________________Tension hai to Concern hai
__________________Concern hai to a Khayaal hai
_________________Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
______________Khawab hai to Growth hai
__________Growth hai to Zindagi hai
______Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
_Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye
tanhai sayari
kisi ne kaha tha k kisi se kuch na kehna
lage chot dil pe to khamosh rahna
jahan chot khana wahain muskurana
magar muskurana es ada se k ro de zamana
jab kabhi dil ko woh yaadon se rehai dega
mere andar koi tufaan sunai dega
usse milte he yeh ehsaas hua tha mujh ko
yahi woh shakhs hai jo lambi judai dega.
duniya badal jayegi tum na badalna
mushkilon main ho jab bhi humain yaad kar lena
maangoon to aap se kiya mangoon.
dena kuch chaho to bas muskura dena.
udas aankhon main raat ka kumar dekha hai
k pehli bar usse beqarar dekha hai
jissay khabar he na hoti thi mere aane ki
us ki ankhon main ab intezar dekha hai.
zindagi to apne qadmon pe chala karti hai Faraz.
auron k sahary janaazy utha karte hain.
tanha tahe es duniya ki bheer main
socha koi nahi meri taqdeer main
ek din aisa hua k tum ne dosti ka hath barhaya
to laga khush khas tha in hathon ki lakeeron main
tanhai mere kaan main kuch kehne lagi hai
ek zaat meri zaat main gum rahne lagi hai
jis aankh ko kisi ne bhi rote nahi dekha
woh aankh teri yaad main num rahne lagi hai.
andaz-e-piyar bhi tera ek ada hai
dur hai tu mujh se ye meri saza hai
dil main basi hai ek piyari si taswir teri,
phir kaise kah doon k tu mujh se juda hai.
koi wada nahi phir bhi tera intezar hai
judai k bawajood bhi tujh se piyar hai
tere chehre ki udasi de rahi hai gawahi
mujh se milne k liye tu bhi bekarar hai.
Dard Ko bhi Ab Dard Hone laga hai,
Dard Khud hi Mere Zakham dhone lagha hai,
Dard ke sath kabhi Roye na hum,
Dard Khud hi Humko chhu kar Rone Laga hai ...
lage chot dil pe to khamosh rahna
jahan chot khana wahain muskurana
magar muskurana es ada se k ro de zamana
jab kabhi dil ko woh yaadon se rehai dega
mere andar koi tufaan sunai dega
usse milte he yeh ehsaas hua tha mujh ko
yahi woh shakhs hai jo lambi judai dega.
duniya badal jayegi tum na badalna
mushkilon main ho jab bhi humain yaad kar lena
maangoon to aap se kiya mangoon.
dena kuch chaho to bas muskura dena.
udas aankhon main raat ka kumar dekha hai
k pehli bar usse beqarar dekha hai
jissay khabar he na hoti thi mere aane ki
us ki ankhon main ab intezar dekha hai.
zindagi to apne qadmon pe chala karti hai Faraz.
auron k sahary janaazy utha karte hain.
tanha tahe es duniya ki bheer main
socha koi nahi meri taqdeer main
ek din aisa hua k tum ne dosti ka hath barhaya
to laga khush khas tha in hathon ki lakeeron main
tanhai mere kaan main kuch kehne lagi hai
ek zaat meri zaat main gum rahne lagi hai
jis aankh ko kisi ne bhi rote nahi dekha
woh aankh teri yaad main num rahne lagi hai.
andaz-e-piyar bhi tera ek ada hai
dur hai tu mujh se ye meri saza hai
dil main basi hai ek piyari si taswir teri,
phir kaise kah doon k tu mujh se juda hai.
koi wada nahi phir bhi tera intezar hai
judai k bawajood bhi tujh se piyar hai
tere chehre ki udasi de rahi hai gawahi
mujh se milne k liye tu bhi bekarar hai.
Dard Ko bhi Ab Dard Hone laga hai,
Dard Khud hi Mere Zakham dhone lagha hai,
Dard ke sath kabhi Roye na hum,
Dard Khud hi Humko chhu kar Rone Laga hai ...
Friday, May 8, 2009
Just fun
Kash dunya Computer hoti
Kash dunya Computer hoti
Jis mein Do ko Undo karti
Sukh kay lamhay Save ho jatay
Dukh kay lamhay Delet karti
Mazi ki man chahi Windows
Jab chahay mein Open karti
Mustqbil kay tanay banay
Apni chah say kud hi banati
kuwahishon ki hoti File
Jis mein Cut or Copy karti
Jab bhi hota Virus peda
Dunya ko Reformat karti
Kushyon kay ragon say taskin
Phekay lamhay ragen karti
:!:Kash Dunya Computer Hoti:!:
*********************************************************************************************************************************************************
Papu pass ho gaya
Ishq ja school mai naya mahool tayar ho gaya
class ke teacher to papu sa payar ho gaya
is bat sa sari class ka dil udass ho gaya
sari class fail or papu pass ho gaya....
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Lambi Judai New Version
Chaar dino ka vacation ho abba,
Lambi parhai,
Lambi parhai,
Parhne me dil mera lage kabhi na,
Parhne se jan meri jay hamesha,
Kitne zamane baad ho abba,
Bunk lagaya,
Bunk lagaya,
Soya raha me classon me apni,
Teacher se roz roz pitke me aaya,
Kitna pita hon sooj gaya hon,
chalna phirna bhol gaya hon,
4 dino ka vacation ho abba,
lambi parhai
lambi parhai...
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
1 larki ka sachaa piyar
mein chahti hon tum ko iss qadar
koi aur mil jaey tu dekhon naa mur kar
tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai
tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
mohabbat hai mujh ko sirf tum sey sanam
sach keh rahi hon mein tumhari qasam
jhot mein agar kahon tu, tu mar jaey
a kash mujh ko shahrukh khan mil jaey
iss dunya mein, tum he sab say haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
bas tere he sang jo meri zindagi
acha nehi ke mein kar lo khudhkoshi
rooz khawab mein nazar aatay ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
ab tu tere bin jeena ho gaya hai mushkil
haan ghar ke liye chahiye nokar(servant) mustakil
dekho mujhey hai kitna pyar tum sey, ab tu haan karo
agar ab bi hai inkaar tu yeh letter agay pass karo
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************
Shadi k liye larkiyan hazaaron hain
Shaadi ke liay doston, larkiyan hazaaron hain
Har khirki mein hai larki, aur khirkiyan hazaron hain
Koi to mile gi larki khaandan mein humein
Phuppiyan hain beshumar, chachiyaan hazaaron hain
Likha jo tum ne Love Letter to kiya hua janab
Humari draaz mein is jaisi, chithiyaan hazaaron hain
Aik tumhi nahi akaili, mere jaal mein phansney wali
Is jaal mein tum jaisi, machliyaan hazaaron hain
Diay thay pehle bhi Ishq ke imtehaan bohat
Hathon mein is baar bhi, parchiyaan hazaron hain
Wo Parwaney nahin jo Shama pe mar jaayen gay
Hamare ghar mein pehle hi, battiyaan hazaron hain
Aik ur gayi haath se to kiya ghazab hua
Jaante hain is baagh mein titliyaan hazaaron
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Hath main Cigrette Moo Main pan hai
MaShoor yeh Shaitan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Parhna iSey aata naheen
ClaSS kabhi jata naheen
Canteen iS ki jaan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
JalSon main Sab Se aagey hain
Naron main Sab Se aagey hain
Imtehaan main naqal iS ki aan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Larkiyon ke peechey hai Para
Jo larki ghuSSa ho zara
Tab yeh banta Bhai jaan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai....
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Funny Shairs
Koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
Nuclear ka Zamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko.......!!!
Wo Aayi thi meri kabar per, diya bujha kar chali gayi
Baki bacha tha tail (oil), sar per laga kar chali gayi
tumhari saalgirah pe jaana kia bhejoon,
apni jaan bhejoon keh apna dil bhejoon,
phir soochta hoon jaana kion na ,
tumhare liye kee hui shopping ka bill bhejoon
Aahat si koi aye to lagta hai ki tum ho.
Hawa koi lehrayi to lagta hai ki tum ho.
Ab tum hi batao, kya tum kisi BHOOT se kam ho ?
Itna khubsurat kaise muskura lete ho..
itna kaatil kaise sharma lete ho..
kitni aasani se JAAN le lete ho..
kisine sikhaya hai ya,bachpan se hi kamine ho!!
Gum woh cheez hai ...
Gum woh cheez hai ...
jisse paper chipkaya jaata hai .
Tum aa gaye ho, Noor aa gaya hai
Chalo teeno picture chalen.....
Tumsa koi dusara zameen par hua to rab se shikayat hogi....
Aik to jhella nahi jata, dusra aagaya to kya halat hogi!!!
Acha hua ke Mein wafadar Nahi
Acha hua ke Mein wafadar Nahi ,
Wafadar to Kuttey hotey hain
Shaam hote hii ye Dil udaas hota hai
Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai
Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..
Kya aankheiN hain aapki, kya baatein hain aapki..
us khuda ne kuch aisa aapko bnaya hai...
maano..."Shhh
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Kash dunya Computer hoti
Jis mein Do ko Undo karti
Sukh kay lamhay Save ho jatay
Dukh kay lamhay Delet karti
Mazi ki man chahi Windows
Jab chahay mein Open karti
Mustqbil kay tanay banay
Apni chah say kud hi banati
kuwahishon ki hoti File
Jis mein Cut or Copy karti
Jab bhi hota Virus peda
Dunya ko Reformat karti
Kushyon kay ragon say taskin
Phekay lamhay ragen karti
:!:Kash Dunya Computer Hoti:!:
*********************************************************************************************************************************************************
Papu pass ho gaya
Ishq ja school mai naya mahool tayar ho gaya
class ke teacher to papu sa payar ho gaya
is bat sa sari class ka dil udass ho gaya
sari class fail or papu pass ho gaya....
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Lambi Judai New Version
Chaar dino ka vacation ho abba,
Lambi parhai,
Lambi parhai,
Parhne me dil mera lage kabhi na,
Parhne se jan meri jay hamesha,
Kitne zamane baad ho abba,
Bunk lagaya,
Bunk lagaya,
Soya raha me classon me apni,
Teacher se roz roz pitke me aaya,
Kitna pita hon sooj gaya hon,
chalna phirna bhol gaya hon,
4 dino ka vacation ho abba,
lambi parhai
lambi parhai...
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
1 larki ka sachaa piyar
mein chahti hon tum ko iss qadar
koi aur mil jaey tu dekhon naa mur kar
tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai
tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
mohabbat hai mujh ko sirf tum sey sanam
sach keh rahi hon mein tumhari qasam
jhot mein agar kahon tu, tu mar jaey
a kash mujh ko shahrukh khan mil jaey
iss dunya mein, tum he sab say haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
bas tere he sang jo meri zindagi
acha nehi ke mein kar lo khudhkoshi
rooz khawab mein nazar aatay ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
ab tu tere bin jeena ho gaya hai mushkil
haan ghar ke liye chahiye nokar(servant) mustakil
dekho mujhey hai kitna pyar tum sey, ab tu haan karo
agar ab bi hai inkaar tu yeh letter agay pass karo
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************
Shadi k liye larkiyan hazaaron hain
Shaadi ke liay doston, larkiyan hazaaron hain
Har khirki mein hai larki, aur khirkiyan hazaron hain
Koi to mile gi larki khaandan mein humein
Phuppiyan hain beshumar, chachiyaan hazaaron hain
Likha jo tum ne Love Letter to kiya hua janab
Humari draaz mein is jaisi, chithiyaan hazaaron hain
Aik tumhi nahi akaili, mere jaal mein phansney wali
Is jaal mein tum jaisi, machliyaan hazaaron hain
Diay thay pehle bhi Ishq ke imtehaan bohat
Hathon mein is baar bhi, parchiyaan hazaron hain
Wo Parwaney nahin jo Shama pe mar jaayen gay
Hamare ghar mein pehle hi, battiyaan hazaron hain
Aik ur gayi haath se to kiya ghazab hua
Jaante hain is baagh mein titliyaan hazaaron
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Hath main Cigrette Moo Main pan hai
MaShoor yeh Shaitan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Parhna iSey aata naheen
ClaSS kabhi jata naheen
Canteen iS ki jaan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
JalSon main Sab Se aagey hain
Naron main Sab Se aagey hain
Imtehaan main naqal iS ki aan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai
Larkiyon ke peechey hai Para
Jo larki ghuSSa ho zara
Tab yeh banta Bhai jaan hai
Yeh Student Ki pehchan Hai....
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Funny Shairs
Koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
Nuclear ka Zamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko.......!!!
Wo Aayi thi meri kabar per, diya bujha kar chali gayi
Baki bacha tha tail (oil), sar per laga kar chali gayi
tumhari saalgirah pe jaana kia bhejoon,
apni jaan bhejoon keh apna dil bhejoon,
phir soochta hoon jaana kion na ,
tumhare liye kee hui shopping ka bill bhejoon
Aahat si koi aye to lagta hai ki tum ho.
Hawa koi lehrayi to lagta hai ki tum ho.
Ab tum hi batao, kya tum kisi BHOOT se kam ho ?
Itna khubsurat kaise muskura lete ho..
itna kaatil kaise sharma lete ho..
kitni aasani se JAAN le lete ho..
kisine sikhaya hai ya,bachpan se hi kamine ho!!
Gum woh cheez hai ...
Gum woh cheez hai ...
jisse paper chipkaya jaata hai .
Tum aa gaye ho, Noor aa gaya hai
Chalo teeno picture chalen.....
Tumsa koi dusara zameen par hua to rab se shikayat hogi....
Aik to jhella nahi jata, dusra aagaya to kya halat hogi!!!
Acha hua ke Mein wafadar Nahi
Acha hua ke Mein wafadar Nahi ,
Wafadar to Kuttey hotey hain
Shaam hote hii ye Dil udaas hota hai
Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai
Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..
Kya aankheiN hain aapki, kya baatein hain aapki..
us khuda ne kuch aisa aapko bnaya hai...
maano..."Shhh
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
To Make Things Better
You love someone,
You marry someone else !
The one you marry
becomes your spouse !
And the one you loved
becomes ............ .
the password of your mail id !!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
There's only one perfect child
in the world and every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife
in the world....... ......and every neighbor has it.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Three dreams of a man :
To be as handsome as his mother thinks .
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails.
If the kidney fails .........
the liver manages with other kidney !!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Generation Next Motto:
Neither will I marry
Nor I will allow my children to marry !!
------------ ------
What's the difference between
Drug and Wine ?
Drug is like a girlfriend that comes
with an expiry date.
Wine is like a wife,
The older it gets, longer the chatter !
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
The Japanese have produced a camera
that has such .. such a fast shutter speed that........ ...
it is capable of taking a picture of a woman
with her mouth shut !!!
You marry someone else !
The one you marry
becomes your spouse !
And the one you loved
becomes ............ .
the password of your mail id !!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
There's only one perfect child
in the world and every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife
in the world....... ......and every neighbor has it.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Three dreams of a man :
To be as handsome as his mother thinks .
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails.
If the kidney fails .........
the liver manages with other kidney !!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Generation Next Motto:
Neither will I marry
Nor I will allow my children to marry !!
------------ ------
What's the difference between
Drug and Wine ?
Drug is like a girlfriend that comes
with an expiry date.
Wine is like a wife,
The older it gets, longer the chatter !
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
The Japanese have produced a camera
that has such .. such a fast shutter speed that........ ...
it is capable of taking a picture of a woman
with her mouth shut !!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Hum dosti nibhana jante hai
Hum dosti nibhana jante hai.
Zakham tumhare kitne bhi gahre ho,
Hum dawa lagana jaante hai..
Hame bhulane ki galti mat kar na dost,
Hum “Galaa Dabana” bhi jante hai.
............ ......... ..................... ........
Husband makes a strong peg of whisky
And tells his wife: PI ISKO
WIFE tastes and says " chhee Kitni kadvi hai"
Husband: Aur tu sochti hai ki main Roj aish karta hun
............ ......... ..................... ........
Har desh ki ek sarhadd hoti hai
Bache ki bhi ek jidd hote hai
Aur kitna intzaar karru tere sms ka
Kanjosi ki bhi koi hadd hoti hai
............ ......... ..................... ........
Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai,
To kya hua....
Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai!
............ ......... ..................... ........
Zakham tumhare kitne bhi gahre ho,
Hum dawa lagana jaante hai..
Hame bhulane ki galti mat kar na dost,
Hum “Galaa Dabana” bhi jante hai.
............ ......... ..................... ........
Husband makes a strong peg of whisky
And tells his wife: PI ISKO
WIFE tastes and says " chhee Kitni kadvi hai"
Husband: Aur tu sochti hai ki main Roj aish karta hun
............ ......... ..................... ........
Har desh ki ek sarhadd hoti hai
Bache ki bhi ek jidd hote hai
Aur kitna intzaar karru tere sms ka
Kanjosi ki bhi koi hadd hoti hai
............ ......... ..................... ........
Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai,
To kya hua....
Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai!
............ ......... ..................... ........
Mujhe phone per dhamkiya mill rahi hai
Customer: Mujhe phone per dhamkiya mill rahi hai.
Police: Kaun hai woh jo aapko dhamkiya de raha hai?
Customer: Telephone wale bolte hai ke, “Bill nahi bharoge toh kaat denge.”
Wife: Why are you waiting here?
Husband: Sher ka shikar karne ja raha hoon mere darling!
Wife: Toh jao naa khade kyu ho!
Husband: Kaise jaau.. Bahar kutta jo khada hai!
Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
Film Director Santa: U have to jump to a swimming pool-from 100 ft.
Actor: But I don't know swimming sir.
Santa: Don't worry there is no water
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain
Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postman: Yeh post office hai, police station nahi.
Man: Kya karu? Kahan jau? Khushi k maare kuchh samajh me nahi aa raha
Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage Bureau shuru kiya hai:
"Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye, Mangni k liye 2 dabye, Shadi k liye 3 dabye."
Laloo: Hum Dusri Shadi k liye kya dabaun?
Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi k liye pehle wali ka gala dabye ..!
Police: Kaun hai woh jo aapko dhamkiya de raha hai?
Customer: Telephone wale bolte hai ke, “Bill nahi bharoge toh kaat denge.”
Wife: Why are you waiting here?
Husband: Sher ka shikar karne ja raha hoon mere darling!
Wife: Toh jao naa khade kyu ho!
Husband: Kaise jaau.. Bahar kutta jo khada hai!
Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
Film Director Santa: U have to jump to a swimming pool-from 100 ft.
Actor: But I don't know swimming sir.
Santa: Don't worry there is no water
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain
Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postman: Yeh post office hai, police station nahi.
Man: Kya karu? Kahan jau? Khushi k maare kuchh samajh me nahi aa raha
Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage Bureau shuru kiya hai:
"Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye, Mangni k liye 2 dabye, Shadi k liye 3 dabye."
Laloo: Hum Dusri Shadi k liye kya dabaun?
Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi k liye pehle wali ka gala dabye ..!
80 year old bachelor
80 year old bachelor puts his matrimony ad in newspaper.
after a month,he gets a letter saying: "miyan! is umar mein farishtey aate hai, ristey nahi......".
He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
door se dekha to sher tha
to
to
to
to
pass jane ka to sawal hi nahi hota.
Sidhu ki maa ko gussa kab aata hai????????? ......... ......... .
jab sidhu laughter callenge main hans-hans kar har contestent se kahta hai........
bas kar mere baap bas kar......... ......... .....
after a month,he gets a letter saying: "miyan! is umar mein farishtey aate hai, ristey nahi......".
He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
door se dekha to sher tha
to
to
to
to
pass jane ka to sawal hi nahi hota.
Sidhu ki maa ko gussa kab aata hai????????? ......... ......... .
jab sidhu laughter callenge main hans-hans kar har contestent se kahta hai........
bas kar mere baap bas kar......... ......... .....
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Arithmatical Magic!!
Beauty of Mathematics !!!!!!!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just
the way I did..
Have a nice day & God bless!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just
the way I did..
Have a nice day & God bless!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
ALL SMAS'S
Chand lamhon ki zindagani hai,
nafraton se jiya nahi karte,
lagta hai dushmanon se guzarish karni padegi,
dost to ab yaad kiya nahi karte.
Humein hasne-hasane ki aadat hai,
nazron se nazar milane ki aadat hai,
par hamari to nazar unse hai ja mili,
jinhe nazar jhukake sharmane ki aadat hai.
Bahut dur magar bahut paas rehte ho,
aankho se dur magar dil ke paas rehte ho,
mujhe bas itna bata do,
kya tum bhi mere bina udaas rehte ho?
Koi ankhon se baat kar leta hai,
koi ankhon mein mulakat kar leta hai,
bada mushkil hota hai jawab dena,
jab koi khamosh rehkar sawaal kar leta hai.
Jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
tumko bhi koi shaks yaad aayega,
tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gam ko,
jab aapke sath guzara samay yaad aayega.
Ek din hamare annsoon humse pooch baithe,
humein roz -roz kyon bulate ho,
humne kaha hum yaad to unhe karte hain,
tum kyon chale aate ho.
Soch ko badlo, sitare badal jayenge,
najar ko badlo, nazaare badal jayenge,
kashtiya badalne ki jarurat nahi,
dishaon ko badlo, kinare badal jayenge.
Har pal pe aapka hi naam hoga,
Aapke har kadam par duniya ka salaam hoga,
Mushkilo ka samna himmat se karna,
Dua hai meri ek din waqt bhi aapke saath hoga.
Najar se najar ko churaoge kab tak,
Dosti aakhir chupaoge kab tak,
Tumhe mere paigam milte rahenge yuhin,
Humein yaad kiye bina rah paoge kabtak.
Dosti to sirf ek ittefaq hai,
Ye to dilo ki mulaqat hai,
Dosti nahi dekhti ki ye din hai ki raat hai,
Is me to sirf wafadari aur jazbaat hai.
Matlabi hai ye duniya,
Yahan kaun kiska hota hai,
Dhokha bhi wahi deta hain,
Jis pe bharosa hota hai.
Aandhi aati hain,
tufaaan chale jaate hain,
Yaadein rah jaati hain,
insaan chale jaate hain.
Ujala mangne aaya tha roshni ki bheekh,
Ham apna ghar na jalate to aur kya karte,
Bichad ke tumse na milna to ek bahana tha,
Mujhe to sirf tera wada aajmana tha.
Birth is the start of life,
Beauty is the art of life,
Mystery & risk are part of life,
But true friends………like u are the heart of life.
Kaun rakhta hai yaad naamo ko,
Log chehro ko bhool jate hai,
Tum samander ki baat karte ho,
Log aankho me doob jate hai.
Jeevan me safalta ke liye 3 factory jarur lagao.
1.Brain me ice factory
2.Juban me sugar factory
3.Heart me love factory
Dosti naam hai jindagi ka,
Shuru vishwas se hoti hai,
Is se badhkar koi nata nahi,
Khatm akhiri saans pe hoti hai.
There r 20 “angels” in this world.
10 r sleeping. 9 r playing.
And 1 is reading this msg.
6 Rules 2 be live happy---
1. Never Hate
2. Don’t Worry
3. Live Simple
4. Expect Little
5. Give A Lot
6. Always Smile
Smile is a language of love.
Smile is a source to win hearts.
Smile is a name of lovely mood.
Smile creates greatness in personality.
So smile 4ever.
I advice – Take care,
I request – Don’t change,
I wish – Don’t forget me,
I truth – I miss u.
I hope we will always be good friend.
kismat kismat ki baat hai
aaj din toh kal kaali raat hai
kabhi dhoop to kabhi barsaat hai
ye msg ka silsila yunhi chalta rahega
jab tak free sms ka saath hai..!!
Lamhe ye suhane sath ho na ho,
kal me aaj jaisi koi baat ho na ho,
apka pyar hamesha is dil me rahega,
chahe poori umar mulakat ho na ho.!
Hotho se jo choo liya Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,
Aur kyon na ho... Khaayi Bhi to ''''HARI Mirch'''' hai.
nafraton se jiya nahi karte,
lagta hai dushmanon se guzarish karni padegi,
dost to ab yaad kiya nahi karte.
Humein hasne-hasane ki aadat hai,
nazron se nazar milane ki aadat hai,
par hamari to nazar unse hai ja mili,
jinhe nazar jhukake sharmane ki aadat hai.
Bahut dur magar bahut paas rehte ho,
aankho se dur magar dil ke paas rehte ho,
mujhe bas itna bata do,
kya tum bhi mere bina udaas rehte ho?
Koi ankhon se baat kar leta hai,
koi ankhon mein mulakat kar leta hai,
bada mushkil hota hai jawab dena,
jab koi khamosh rehkar sawaal kar leta hai.
Jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
tumko bhi koi shaks yaad aayega,
tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gam ko,
jab aapke sath guzara samay yaad aayega.
Ek din hamare annsoon humse pooch baithe,
humein roz -roz kyon bulate ho,
humne kaha hum yaad to unhe karte hain,
tum kyon chale aate ho.
Soch ko badlo, sitare badal jayenge,
najar ko badlo, nazaare badal jayenge,
kashtiya badalne ki jarurat nahi,
dishaon ko badlo, kinare badal jayenge.
Har pal pe aapka hi naam hoga,
Aapke har kadam par duniya ka salaam hoga,
Mushkilo ka samna himmat se karna,
Dua hai meri ek din waqt bhi aapke saath hoga.
Najar se najar ko churaoge kab tak,
Dosti aakhir chupaoge kab tak,
Tumhe mere paigam milte rahenge yuhin,
Humein yaad kiye bina rah paoge kabtak.
Dosti to sirf ek ittefaq hai,
Ye to dilo ki mulaqat hai,
Dosti nahi dekhti ki ye din hai ki raat hai,
Is me to sirf wafadari aur jazbaat hai.
Matlabi hai ye duniya,
Yahan kaun kiska hota hai,
Dhokha bhi wahi deta hain,
Jis pe bharosa hota hai.
Aandhi aati hain,
tufaaan chale jaate hain,
Yaadein rah jaati hain,
insaan chale jaate hain.
Ujala mangne aaya tha roshni ki bheekh,
Ham apna ghar na jalate to aur kya karte,
Bichad ke tumse na milna to ek bahana tha,
Mujhe to sirf tera wada aajmana tha.
Birth is the start of life,
Beauty is the art of life,
Mystery & risk are part of life,
But true friends………like u are the heart of life.
Kaun rakhta hai yaad naamo ko,
Log chehro ko bhool jate hai,
Tum samander ki baat karte ho,
Log aankho me doob jate hai.
Jeevan me safalta ke liye 3 factory jarur lagao.
1.Brain me ice factory
2.Juban me sugar factory
3.Heart me love factory
Dosti naam hai jindagi ka,
Shuru vishwas se hoti hai,
Is se badhkar koi nata nahi,
Khatm akhiri saans pe hoti hai.
There r 20 “angels” in this world.
10 r sleeping. 9 r playing.
And 1 is reading this msg.
6 Rules 2 be live happy---
1. Never Hate
2. Don’t Worry
3. Live Simple
4. Expect Little
5. Give A Lot
6. Always Smile
Smile is a language of love.
Smile is a source to win hearts.
Smile is a name of lovely mood.
Smile creates greatness in personality.
So smile 4ever.
I advice – Take care,
I request – Don’t change,
I wish – Don’t forget me,
I truth – I miss u.
I hope we will always be good friend.
kismat kismat ki baat hai
aaj din toh kal kaali raat hai
kabhi dhoop to kabhi barsaat hai
ye msg ka silsila yunhi chalta rahega
jab tak free sms ka saath hai..!!
Lamhe ye suhane sath ho na ho,
kal me aaj jaisi koi baat ho na ho,
apka pyar hamesha is dil me rahega,
chahe poori umar mulakat ho na ho.!
Hotho se jo choo liya Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,
Aur kyon na ho... Khaayi Bhi to ''''HARI Mirch'''' hai.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
What an example!!! (Must Read)
There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic project. All of them were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.
His boss replied "OK, You’re permitted to leave the office early today" The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion. The time was 8.30 PM. Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children.
He looked for his boss, He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home. Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.
He reached home. Children were not there. His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines.
The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife asked him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.
The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children ??"
Wife replied "You don’t know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has taken the children
to the exhibition "
What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him permission was observing him working
seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised
his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition.
So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition. The boss does not have to do it every time.
But once it is done, loyalty is established. That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss even though the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?
He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Ex-President of India .. . .
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.
His boss replied "OK, You’re permitted to leave the office early today" The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion. The time was 8.30 PM. Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children.
He looked for his boss, He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home. Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.
He reached home. Children were not there. His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines.
The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife asked him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.
The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children ??"
Wife replied "You don’t know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has taken the children
to the exhibition "
What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him permission was observing him working
seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised
his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition.
So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition. The boss does not have to do it every time.
But once it is done, loyalty is established. That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss even though the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?
He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Ex-President of India .. . .
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A man is talking to God...
A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
------------ --------- --------- ---
Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between- the-sexes kind of
jokes.
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on
Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
------------ --------- --------- ---
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who
will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when
I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution,
just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the
perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She
was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
------------ --------- --------- ---
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first
day of school. "If you promise not to believe everything your child says
happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says
happens at home.
------------ --------- --------- ---
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
------------ --------- --------- ---
Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.
(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball
and coach have double meanings.)
------------ --------- --------- ---
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an
"I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from
the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone
crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you
going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
------------ --------- --------- ---
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
------------ --------- --------- ---
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?)
------------ --------- --------- ---
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of
them!"
------------ --------- --------- ---
This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke.
A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.) A: What do you call a dead deer with no
eyes?
B: Still no idea.
------------ --------- --------- ---
A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.
(Giants' nails.)
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
------------ --------- --------- ---
These need to be written. Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig. Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Depending on where you live, students will enjoy this one. Q: What do
you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved! Submitted by: Eric Stein
------------ --------- --------- ---
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
------------ --------- --------- ---
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You
can have mine."
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
------------ --------- --------- ---
Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between- the-sexes kind of
jokes.
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on
Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
------------ --------- --------- ---
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who
will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when
I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution,
just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the
perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She
was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
------------ --------- --------- ---
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first
day of school. "If you promise not to believe everything your child says
happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says
happens at home.
------------ --------- --------- ---
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
------------ --------- --------- ---
Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.
(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball
and coach have double meanings.)
------------ --------- --------- ---
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an
"I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from
the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone
crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you
going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
------------ --------- --------- ---
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
------------ --------- --------- ---
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?)
------------ --------- --------- ---
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of
them!"
------------ --------- --------- ---
This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke.
A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.) A: What do you call a dead deer with no
eyes?
B: Still no idea.
------------ --------- --------- ---
A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.
(Giants' nails.)
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
------------ --------- --------- ---
These need to be written. Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig. Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Depending on where you live, students will enjoy this one. Q: What do
you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.
------------ --------- --------- ---
Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved! Submitted by: Eric Stein
------------ --------- --------- ---
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
------------ --------- --------- ---
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You
can have mine."
Enjoy the special edition.........of shayeri
1)
Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ..
Waah! Waah!
.
. Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ..
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Ab Hero Honda Splendor, 80 km Prati Litre .. !!
2)
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
.
Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gayii .. !!
3)
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ..
.
Waah! Waah!
.
Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. !!
4)
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ..
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon!!
5)
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
.
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
.
.
"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..
!!"
7)
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ..
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ..
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...
Shashi Kapoor Kehta Hai: "Mere Paas Maa Hai ..."
8)
2 Cockroach Gaana Gaa Rahe Thhe : "Aashiq Banaaya
Aapne" ..
.
.
Dono Marr Gaye ...
.
.
.
Because Gaana "HIT" Tha ..
9)
Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...
.
.
Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...
.
.
.
Jaise Chhote Se Darwaaze Mein Bhens Phass Gayii Hai .. !!
Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ..
Waah! Waah!
.
. Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ..
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Ab Hero Honda Splendor, 80 km Prati Litre .. !!
2)
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
.
Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gayii .. !!
3)
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ..
.
Waah! Waah!
.
Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. !!
4)
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ..
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon!!
5)
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
.
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
.
.
"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..
!!"
7)
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ..
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ..
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...
Shashi Kapoor Kehta Hai: "Mere Paas Maa Hai ..."
8)
2 Cockroach Gaana Gaa Rahe Thhe : "Aashiq Banaaya
Aapne" ..
.
.
Dono Marr Gaye ...
.
.
.
Because Gaana "HIT" Tha ..
9)
Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...
.
.
Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...
.
.
.
Jaise Chhote Se Darwaaze Mein Bhens Phass Gayii Hai .. !!
Monday, February 9, 2009
The real Love story
This is a real story of a young college girl who
Passed away last month in Chandigarh.
Her name was Neha
She was hit by a truck.
She was working in a call center. She had a boy friend
named Rajiv.
Both of them are true lovers. They always used to talk on the
phone.
You can never see her without her cell phone. In fact she
also changed her SIM card
from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the
same network, and save on the cost.
She used spends half of the day talking with Rajiv.
Neha's family knew about their relationship. Rajiv
is still very close with Neha's family. (just imagine their
love) . Before she passed away she always told her
friends. 'If I pass away please burn me with my
cell phone' she also said the same thing to her
parents.
After her death, people couldn't carry her body,
A lot of them tried to do so but still could' t.Everybody had tried to carry the body, the result
was still the same. They jus could not lift the body.. Eventually, they called a person who knew one of their neighbors, who could speak
with the soul of dead person, who is a friend of her father.
He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.
After a few minutes, he said 'this girl misses something here.' Then her
friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone.
He then opened the grave box and place her phone and SIM card inside the
casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and
they carried it into the van easily.
All of us were shocked. Neha's parents did not inform Rajiv that
Neha had passed away.
After 2 weeks Rajiv called Neha's mom.....
Rajiv :....'Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me.
Don't tell Neha that I'm coming home today, I want to surprise her.'
Her mother replied..... 'You come home first, I want to tell you
something very important.'
After he came, they told him the truth about Neha.
Rajiv though that they were playing the fool. He was laughing and
said 'don't try to fool me - tell Neha to come out, I have a gift for her. Please stop
this nonsense'.
Then they show him the original death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Rajiv started to sweat) He
said... 'Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me.
Rajiv was shaking.
Suddenly, Rajiv's phone rang. 'see this is from Neha, see this....'
he showed the phone to Neha's family. all of them told him to
answer. he talked using the loudspeaker mode.
All of them heard his conversation.
Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming.
It is the actual voice of Neha & there is no way others could use her
SIM card since it is nailed inside the grave box. They were so shocked and asked
for the same person's (who can speak with the soul of deal persons) help
again. He brought his master to solve this matter.
He & his master worked for 5 hours.
Then they discovered one thing which really shocked
them...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Hutch/ vodaphone has the best coverage.
Where ever you go, the network follows!!!
Don't shout at me Enjoy this like me.
Trust me U laugh a lot and have a good time passsss...................
Passed away last month in Chandigarh.
Her name was Neha
She was hit by a truck.
She was working in a call center. She had a boy friend
named Rajiv.
Both of them are true lovers. They always used to talk on the
phone.
You can never see her without her cell phone. In fact she
also changed her SIM card
from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the
same network, and save on the cost.
She used spends half of the day talking with Rajiv.
Neha's family knew about their relationship. Rajiv
is still very close with Neha's family. (just imagine their
love) . Before she passed away she always told her
friends. 'If I pass away please burn me with my
cell phone' she also said the same thing to her
parents.
After her death, people couldn't carry her body,
A lot of them tried to do so but still could' t.Everybody had tried to carry the body, the result
was still the same. They jus could not lift the body.. Eventually, they called a person who knew one of their neighbors, who could speak
with the soul of dead person, who is a friend of her father.
He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.
After a few minutes, he said 'this girl misses something here.' Then her
friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone.
He then opened the grave box and place her phone and SIM card inside the
casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and
they carried it into the van easily.
All of us were shocked. Neha's parents did not inform Rajiv that
Neha had passed away.
After 2 weeks Rajiv called Neha's mom.....
Rajiv :....'Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me.
Don't tell Neha that I'm coming home today, I want to surprise her.'
Her mother replied..... 'You come home first, I want to tell you
something very important.'
After he came, they told him the truth about Neha.
Rajiv though that they were playing the fool. He was laughing and
said 'don't try to fool me - tell Neha to come out, I have a gift for her. Please stop
this nonsense'.
Then they show him the original death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Rajiv started to sweat) He
said... 'Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me.
Rajiv was shaking.
Suddenly, Rajiv's phone rang. 'see this is from Neha, see this....'
he showed the phone to Neha's family. all of them told him to
answer. he talked using the loudspeaker mode.
All of them heard his conversation.
Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming.
It is the actual voice of Neha & there is no way others could use her
SIM card since it is nailed inside the grave box. They were so shocked and asked
for the same person's (who can speak with the soul of deal persons) help
again. He brought his master to solve this matter.
He & his master worked for 5 hours.
Then they discovered one thing which really shocked
them...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Hutch/ vodaphone has the best coverage.
Where ever you go, the network follows!!!
Don't shout at me Enjoy this like me.
Trust me U laugh a lot and have a good time passsss...................
All this happens with Most Husbands on each salary day....
Wife: Where is your salary
Wife: Show me your Pockets...
Husband: I'll not give the money...... U spend all of my salary.....! !!!
Wife: Give me way..... I am going for shopping
Wife:Thanks Sweetheart....................bye:)
Get Married
A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was,
and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''
The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.
So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all
the girls that I love,dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''
His mother smiling said to him,
''Don't worry my son,
you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was,
and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''
The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.
So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all
the girls that I love,dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''
His mother smiling said to him,
''Don't worry my son,
you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son
Sunday, February 8, 2009
MEANING OF THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(L)ove
(Y)ou
WHY does a man want to have a WIFE?
Because:
(W)ashing
(I)roning
(F)ooding
(E)ntertainment
WHY does a woman want to have a HUSBAND?
Because:
(H)ousing
(U)nderstanding
(S)haring
(B)uying
(A)nd
(N)ever
(D)emanding
Do you know that a simple "HELLO" can be a sweet one?
Especially from your love one. (I mean not only from the boyfriend/girlfrien d).
The word HELLO means :
(H)ow are you?
(E)verything all right?
(L)ike to hear from you
(L)ove to see you soon!
(O)bviously, I miss you...
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